The Hills: We’ll Never Be Friends
August 19, 2008

MTV, Mondays at 10:00PM

Genre: Reality-ish

Conceit: Watch What Happens When MTV Stops Being Real And Starts Letting Producers Manipulate.

And we’re back.  I’ll say this much: the first scene involving LC and Whitney talking while “working” at People’s Republic gave me hope.  One of the funniest parts of this show was the “Whitney as sounding board” bit back at Teen Vogue.  You know, where she says “So, what did you do” and then LC recaps what happened in the last scene we just saw and then Whitney says “Wow, how did that make you feel”.  Its so obviously meant to be an expositional tool, and its the obviousness that makes it funny.

Lauren went on a date with an old friend.  She decided if the guy was interesting, she’d invite him to Audrina’s birthday party.  Apparently sitting across from each other and not saying anything for minutes at a time counts as an interesting date.

Heidi (who’s hair gets blonder every minute) knew her sister Holly was coming to crash at her apartment for the weekend.  Of course she wouldn’t mention it to Spencer.  What would they fight about otherwise.  Sigh.  Oh, by the way, in case you weren’t sure whether or not the Heidi-Bolthouse marriage was one of convenience before, the fact that she didn’t get fired in the wake of that ridiculous stunt in last season’s finale is proof enough.  And Holly looks like Heidi and Whitney’s lovechild.

Dear Lo: we all get it.  You want to stay on the show by being the witch and pulling LC’s strings.  The funniest part of Lo’s conversation with Audrina was that she pretty much cut off Audrina’s sentences just to make her own part.  As always, Whitney and Audrina remain the only bearable people in this “reality”.

Pretty much the same ole same ole.  Man, producers, if you’re going to manipulate things, at least manipulate things in a new way.

Final Grade: C

PS  MTV, what was up with all the mainstream music in the episode?  If nothing else, this show is good for debuting a new artist every now and then.

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The Hills: A Date With The Past
April 28, 2008

MTV, Mondays at 10:00PM

Genre: Reality-ish

Conceit: Watch What Happens When MTV Stops Being Real And Starts Letting Producers Manipulate

This episode set the tone really early.  The fact that Audrina has her own “house” in the back of the girls’ house kind of gives you an idea where everyone stands.  Sure, this could be about the girls being older and needing privacy, but methinks this is a bad sign. (We’re not going to talk about how I think the girls can’t afford the house.)  Also, LC and Lo talked about how LC couldn’t go shopping with Audrina but now her and Lo could hang out all the time.  If you didn’t think the days of LC and Audrina weren’t numbered before…

If memory serves me right, Lo was the one who began the Justin-Bobby mockery when he first arrived.  Audrina didn’t like it then.  Why did Lo think that Audrina like it now?  I would say that Lo is just insensitive, but I prefer to think she’s smart enough to know what she has to do to stay on the show.  A cleaner cut Justin-Bobby arrived at the A-L-L House Warming party and sat down with Audrina, who let her feelings about everyone else’s feelings about her and Justin be known…to Justin.  

Dear Heidi, stop saying “you’re kidding” everytime that Stephanie brings up hanging out with LC.  If she wasn’t kidding the first time, she’s not kidding any other time after that.  And yet you managed to guilt Steph into skipping in favor of sitting and watching a movie with Heidi.  Score one for Team Heidi.  I guess.  The fact that this “story” hasn’t moved forward in a couple episodes is rather…well…annoying.  Stephanie has begun filling Whitney’s old role as exposition girl.  She’s now the girl who says “really?  what happened?”.  

Stephen Colletti.  Apparently he took enough time off from guest starring on One Tree Hill to pop back in for his requisite appearance.  Isn’t he dating someone famous?  I also don’t know this for sure, but was LC wearing one of her own designs to the dinner?  Turns out the least front and center people are the most insightful.  Last week it was Justin-Bobby.  This week it was Stephen who pretty much told LC if she wants to be in Audrina’s life, do it.  Well anyways, as expected, Stephen crushed LC’s too high expectations that they’d get back together.  It was pretty close to desperate that LC had to keep reaching back to high school to make Stephen care.  Didn’t this exact same thing happen with Jason last season?  LC at least had enough dignity lie to Lo and make it seem like she didn’t want Stephen.  

Spencer complains about loyalty blah blah still has no job blah blah sits around blah blah.

Man, nothing happened in this episode at all.

Final Grade: C-

The Hills: New Roommate
April 22, 2008

MTV, Mondays at 10:00PM

Genre: Reality-ish

Conceit: Watch What Happens When MTV Stops Being Real And Starts Letting Producers Manipulate.

So apparently everyone goes to Goa on Thursdays.  Including Justin-Bobby.  I wonder what could happen?  Y’know, the one thing that always surprises me is that Heidi is always far more mature when it comes to LC than LC is towards her.  In a moment of classic producer interference, LC and Lo leave Audrina alone at a table with just enough time for Heidi and Stephanie to sit down next to her, and force them all at the same table.  So that LC can quietly seethe and eventually leave.  And then Justin-Bobby walks over.  It was awkward night at Goa.

Did you ever notice that half of the time on this show is spent recapping exactly what happened in the scene before?  Stephanie and Heidi did it; Justin and Audrina did it; LC and Audrina did it; Heidi and Spencer did it.  Justin-Bobby is still a loser.  “I like you leathers”?  In classic “meeting an old boyfriend again” form, they spent the entire time just recapping everything.  Audrina talks about how distant she feels from LC now, which is ironic, because LC is thinking about having Lo, Audrina, and LC move in together.  Audrina agrees to it, but it seems pretty forced.  I think its understandable.  Lo and LC were friends before and now the distance between LC and Audrina is just going to grow.

The only bigger loser than Justin is Spencer.  He can’t be mature for more than 10 seconds at a time, so he continues to pout and whine about breaking up with Heidi.  Get a job!

Final Grade: B